It's hard enough that we must wear our disease on our faces and constantly protect ourselves from insensitive or irrational reactions and remarks by others. We shouldn't emotionally torment ourselves over our acne, by believing that we are "damaged goods". We sometimes are our own worse enemies often convincing ourselves that "nobody will want to go out with us, marry us or love us." Powerless to change our appearance or cure acne, we may feel a sense of hopelessness and despair. A lengthening history of unsuccessful treatments or permanent acne scarring may deepen our sense of hopelessness. We may even feel "our chances at a normal life are gone." Only the most philosophical among us may have the strength to ride through an often long and painful journey without inflicting upon ourselves lasting emotional scars. But, the more we learn to understand our self-defeating thought patterns, the better control we can achieve over them and our inner happiness. Even while we're still in pain, tormented by an unavoidable awareness of our less than perfect appearance, we must take control and arm ourselves from this self-destructive blame and hatred. Are you allowing the following self-defeating thoughts to eat away at your inner happiness and destroy you?
"Having acne is punishment for something else I did." Believing "everything happens for a reason," we may falsely conclude that by having acne we're being punished for our sins or victimized by a malevolent fate.
Healthy Inner View: Acne is a disease that can happen to anybody with an increased level of Androgen in their body resulting in over activity of the sebaceous glands, plugging the oil glands. In other words, it's not your fault you have acne! Different treatments work better and faster on some than on others.
"I allow criticisms and opinions from others to control my feelings about myself." Others make us feel ugly, so it must be true.
Healthy Inner View: Remember, you create your own feelings and make your own decisions. People and events do not cause feelings, although they often CAN trigger your mental habits. We focus too much on the unrealistic expectations or standards of others, especially parents and society. Instead, focus on your abilities, talents and positive qualities. Be willing to risk the disapproval of others by trusting your own capabilities. Accept yourself; Don't feel you have to conform in order to be accepted.
"I negatively label and blame myself for my condition." We are the hardest critics, always finding fault with the way we look and feel. "I'm a loser and it's my fault."
Healthy Inner View: Replace self-criticism with self-encouragement. Give yourself a compliment for your achievements. Visualize the positive. Say to yourself or even out loud "So what if I have acne, I like who I am."
"I become defensive and angry at the world and myself." When our acne is pointed out to us, we feel like we're under attack and become defensive. Having acne may provoke a deep anger against the disease and the world of "normal" people. The anger sometimes turns inward. We kill off little pieces of ourselves: a passion is allowed to disappear; a favorite hobby is abandoned; an opportunity for pleasure or success is ignored.
Healthy Inner View: You're only human, so treat yourself with kindness, not abuse! Move ahead with a positive attitude; take time to laugh at yourself. Explore the healing power of laughter. If you know you are doing everything in your power to take care of your acne, give yourself a break! You have very little control over what your body is going through.
"I constantly seek approval from others." Always having love or approval from every significant person in our lives is an unattainable goal.
Healthy Inner View: It is more realistic and desirable to develop personal standards and values that are not completely dependent on the approval of others. Give yourself a pat on the back since you're doing the best you can to get through this. Don't wait to hear it from someone else. Tell yourself you're worthy. Do something extra nice for a very important person -- you!
"I am afraid to face the world." We frequently withdraw from social life, casting ourselves as "damaged goods" who have no place among "good looking" people, and the insensitive or irrational reactions of others compound the problem. Our circle of friends may diminish dramatically; we often don't try to make new friends after the acne appears. Even though we don't really want to, we may resign from clubs and organizations, exchanging social activities for solitary pursuits.
Healthy Inner View: Don't drop out of life! Motivate yourself with choice, not fear. Visualize success and make decisions that fit with that image of success. For instance, picture yourself succeeding at a task and think of the satisfaction and good feelings you'll have when you meet your goals. Continue to do the things you know you are good at. You will most certainly receive praise and compliments for them.
"I believe I can't do certain things because I have acne." We frequently say "I can't go to the dance or go out in public." If we do this often enough, it will become a self- fulfilling prophecy and we will feel more powerless and out of control.
Healthy Inner View: Believe in yourself and realize that you deserve the same opportunities as everyone else. Give yourself positive, encouraging statements. Work at feeling good about yourself and liking yourself.
"I attribute everything to my acne, both the good and the bad." If someone pays us a compliment, we may think to ourselves "yeah, but I still have acne so, I'll never be good enough" instead of accepting the compliment!
Healthy Inner View: You have the choice, so accept the compliment for your achievement! Look at temporary setbacks as opportunities for growth. The positive appraisal helps you maintain your energy and gives you an improved outlook. Encourage positive self talk from your inner voices.
"I dwell on everything bad that was ever said or done to me." We can't forgive and forget, we just let all those negative thoughts convince us that everything anyone has ever said is true.
Healthy Inner View: The only part of the past that affects you is your present interpretation of it. Only you are in charge of that. Try to reinterpret these past events in a positive way. Remember, everyone has their opinions, it doesn't make them truths. Forgiving is helpful and, at times, is necessary to move forward. Don't forget to forgive yourself, too!
Remember, our happiness (or our misery) depends upon what we tell ourselves, how we treat ourselves, and how we interpret our world. It's an inside job that we must work through ourselves. When we are self-confident we trust our own abilities, have a general sense of control in our lives, and believe that, within reason, we will be able to do whatever we wish, plan, and expect.